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On Tuesday my youngest brother Ryan passed away. On Tuesday my youngest brother Ryan passed away. He was 26 and had been suffering from schizophrenia and related issues. Looking at these photos I never thought this would happen. I was 12 when he was born, which was at a time when many of our grandparents and great relatives were passing away. I recall attending four to six funerals within a couple of months. I always thought it was such a curious coincidence that he would be born in such a time of death. As an infant and young child, he lit up our family like a Christmas tree. He was born with a birthmark on his nose that was very noticeable and I think that that was extremely traumatic for him. Constantly being asked by strangers what it was. As a teen he was engrossed in some of the darker parts of internet culture, and began experimenting with drugs that would ultimately contribute to his mental illness. Before he even had a chance to live a real life, it was taken from him. From mental illness, from substance abuse, from homelessness. I feel an immense amount of guilt for not doing more. We had been talking a little bit online and it seemed like maybe he was starting to get better as he was making attempts to connect with me. Ryan was sort of famous for a second, producing music as Sludgehammer (his SoundCloud account is still active under that name) and having his music used by Lil B the Based God and others. I hear that some of his music was also played at Coachella. At one point Sean Ashworth, rest in peace to him as well, was shocked to learn that my brother was this producer and asked me why I was not playing his music. I didn't really have an answer. Ryan was also friends with Chalk, who unfortunately passed away a number of years ago. At one point he was rapping and performing live over his own music. I tried my best to encourage him to continue but he says that he didn't feel comfortable performing, despite getting some momentum. If you've read all this, thank you. Please reach out to your friends and family and make sure they're okay. And if you see someone on the street asking for food or something to drink, please buy it for them.
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